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Divorce and Who Gets What

August 26, 2010 | Author: Ruth Burton

By Ruth Burton

Divorce can be a very emotional and unstable period of time for both parties involved. As people move through the bargaining process of the divorce settlement, they tend to worry that they will be taken advantage of or lose out on what should be theirs. Add the element of anger or a cheating partner and you have some partners that will attempt to not only get what they want, but to ensure that their partners get as little as possible. Out of anger and fear, people can behave very cruelly.

Truth be told, a divorce stirs up negative feelings and/or lack of confidence both parties carry within themselves. Along with adjusting to the changes, we worry about what our friends, relatives, acquaintances, and even our own children, will think of us. We worry that we will not get what we want and that our partner will walk away with more than they really deserve. As the negotiations continue, we become angrier or more hurt as our partner often disregards the value and contributions we made throughout the years in the relationship. Funny enough, our partner might feel the same way.

Yes, with divorce, we have to face looking at things such as how much each party contributed, who should pay what, and who is entitled to what. But, if we really looked at divorce under the Law of Attraction, each person in truth will walk away with only what they feel worthy of. This is what is really happening.

What each person feels worthy of is not a matter of what they state they want. It comes from the level of confidence they each have about themselves. It is determined by what each one believes they deserve, not what they wish or hope they can get. In other words, each person is, by their own thoughts and feelings, attracting or drawing the end results of the divorce to them.

If one person, knowingly or unknowingly, uses the Law of Attraction in such a way that he or she believes money comes easily and effortlessly, chances are the money will come to them even if the other partner feels they are lazy, they do not “deserve” it, or it is unfair. If one person has always felt that he or she was never valued in the relationship and still “feels” victim to their partner, they will probably settle and allow themselves to receive less than they deserve.

You might argue that what a person ends up with is a matter of which lawyer represents each partner or who has the most money. However, even the lawyers are attracted by the thoughts and/or beliefs each partner holds. And as far as who has the most money? Think about it: A person with money is not more powerful than the Law of Attraction. Money cannot change the way the Law works anymore than money can change the Law of Gravity. We have to get to a place where we understand that there is a Higher Power at work in all things — including divorce. In Truth, there are no victims — we are each creating our own realities.

In understanding how the Law works regarding divorce, you must keep in mind that feeling or becoming angry only keeps you in the victim mode. Anger is a form of fear and fear shows that one does not trust they will get their fair share. Instead, moving through the process with faith that all is well and holding on to your belief that you will get what you deserve will help you attract what you desire. This is not a stubborn kind of “deservedness”. Stubbornness is just another form of fear. Remember, you are attracting what you get from the divorce by virtue of the beliefs you hold about yourself.

To the best of your ability, take your attention off of your partner, his or her manipulations and tricks, and place it back on what you want. Get support, if needed, to help you work on remembering your worth and value, and to help you stay focused and positive throughout the process. Not only is this the most beneficial way to move through a divorce, it provides you the opportunity to attract your desired outcome. Furthermore, it can help you avoid taking loads of baggage into your next relationship, and assist you in allowing your highest and greatest good into your life. And know this: Divorce does not determine your value. Your value is determined by God, Source or a power greater than you, and you are worthy of all good things.

Posted in Law of Attraction, Relationships | Leave a Comment

Attracting Your Desired Partner

August 6, 2010 | Author: Ruth Burton

Photo taken by Ruth Burton

Attracting a new partner can be exciting for many, but dating often becomes a game of ‘how should I act’ or ‘when should I call’. Within a short period of time, this can cause quite a bit of frustration. Since a relationship is a two way street, it pulls more on our hearts and emotions and has the ability to shape who we become, whether for good or bad. For greater clarity and ease, here are some techniques for attracting the kind of partner you really desire.

First of all, define what you want in a partner. This means looking at all the aspects of what you would like. It might help to make a list of the attributes or qualities you really want. As long as you feel good about what you’re asking for, you’re on target. However, if what you ask for begins to feel too defined, it is an indication that you have narrowed your desires too much. For example, you might prefer a partner who is medium height with medium to dark hair. You might even want this person be between certain ages, say 40-50 years old. However, if you say “and I want this person’s name to be Madonna and sing”, although you may meet several people, as you find that none of them are named Madonna and sing, you may start to feel you’ve been a little too selective. Therefore, define only as far as it feels comfortable.

Create an affirmation or statement that summarizes what you desire. For example: I want a wonderful, loving, healthy relationship with someone who is confident, funny, and shares many of my same interests. This will be extremely important to use if you feel yourself getting off track with what you said you wanted. Your affirmation will be your anchor as you remind yourself what you have asked for and what the Law of Attraction is bringing to you.

Reaffirm and visualize what you desire for 5-10 minutes before going to sleep every night. Really put feeling into your visualization as if what you have asked for has already shown up. Not only can this be fun, but it is a very powerful way of being in alignment and allowing the attraction to take place. Note, however, that this should not feel like a chore. Negative focus will not draw positive results.

Stay focused on what you say you really want. Throughout your day as you think about meeting, contacting, or calling someone, gently reaffirm what you asked for and then release any fear you have. Let the Law of Attraction handle the rest. You will be guided on what to do next. Not only can this strengthen what you asked for, but it takes you out of the way of the manifestation.

Be grateful for those who show up to help you define your desires further. Understand that when you ask for something, you often have to let go of what isn’t working in your life in order to have what you’ve asked for. In other words, if you have a pattern within you that contradicts what you have asked for, it will need to be released in order for your good to come in. Here’s an example: You’ve asked for a wonderful relationship but have a habit of thought that says ‘I’m not worthy’. You begin dating but notice that your dates seem needy, have unrealistic expectations, or are not who they portrayed themselves to be. You hoped for cuddly bears, but instead, you keep getting prickly porcupines with issues. Geez! Although these people seem totally unrelated to what you asked for, take note that every time you attract a person who emphasizes an issue you have (and you’ll know this because it stirs up negative emotions in you), use it as an opportunity to more clearly define what you want. Do not allow yourself to move back into thinking you are not deserving. This only further reinforces your habit and will not allow what you have asked for to show up. Do not accept this as proof that the Law doesn’t work, rather stay on track and know that the Law is working perfectly.

Be true to who you are and your desires. Do not give up who you are and what you want in order to please potential partners. This is alwaysa bad start to any relationship. If being yourself turns somebody away from you, they weren’t meant for you. It’s too difficult to be who or what someone else wants you to be. Instead, as you stay true to being yourself, your confidence grows. There is such freedom in being in a relationship where you are loved for who you are. Give thanks and reaffirm that this is where you are heading.

And lastly, give thanks for every aspect of your desired relationship that shows up. If your date has some aspect or quality that you asked for, give thanks regardless of whether you continue to date that person or not. Really milk this part of the process. It is the recognition of any and all aspects of what is working that draws more to you.

Love is supposed to be fun and it can be when we intentionally use the Law of Attraction and allow what we desire to show up for us. Let go of the struggle. Release! Have fun and let the Law of Attraction bring you the loving, happy relationship you desire.

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Guilt Works Against You – Let It Go

July 20, 2010 | Author: Ruth Burton

Photograph by Ruth Burton

So you made a mistake. You know which one I’m talking about — the one you still feel “guilty” over after all this time. Even more, it’s the one your partner won’t let you forget. My question to you is: How well is that working in your relationship? If it’s not, then keep reading.

Regardless of the mistakes you’ve made in the past, there comes a time when you need to let them go and move on because guilt feelings in the long term do not serve you. In fact, they can often work against you.

Continuing to carry guilt over a mistake you made will never change the past. The past is over and it is only your guilt that keeps it alive. When you hold onto guilt, you allow the mistake you made to be kept alive by continuing to apologize or defend yourself to others… about something that is over. You allow your partner to manipulate you and use your guilt against you, often to get their way. Your partner may not even be aware they are doing this. When you feel guilty, it merely keeps you in a place of berating yourself up and giving away your power.

Now you may say that it is your partner that keeps it alive because he or she is the one that continually brings it up, but understand this — your partner is merely reflecting what is going on within you. Through the Law of Attraction, you are drawing your partner’s behavior to you. Think about it. We attract by the thoughts and feelings we predominantly focus on. Every time we feel guilty, we are in essence criticizing ourselves and, therefore, attracting more criticism from our partner.

Yes, it’s true that sometimes we do things that can hurt other people, and yes, it can take time for them to heal. However, when possible, we need to clean up our mess and then make a conscious choice to let go of the past and do things differently in the future. We need to become more conscientious of the decisions we make.

No matter how we are dealing with it, the mistake is over. It is no longer here. If you have sincerely done what you can to set things right, then it’s time to let it rest. You should not have to “pay” for your mistakes forever. If your partner continues to bring them up, then be patient with your partner’s feelings; however, respectfully decline to talk about it anymore. In time, if your relationship is going to make it, there has to be a time when your partner will need to trust you again. It is through your actions over time, not your words, that will show your partner you have changed. However, you must be clear on the subject. If you still carry guilt, neither your words nor actions will matter. You must release your guilt and trust yourself if you expect your partner to trust you. Anything else will only continue to negatively affect the relationship.

Releasing guilt applies to any mistakes, large or small, that lead to guilty feelings. Oftentimes, if we do not deal with the smaller things we feel guilty over, they only lead to bigger mistakes. So, if you’ve been carrying around that “guilt”, perhaps it’s finally time to let it go, not only for your sake, but for the sake of your relationship, as well.

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Should You Cheat On Your Partner

July 8, 2010 | Author: Ruth Burton

Picture taken by Ruth Burton

Many years ago, I was made an offer to sleep with a married man. While he was a nice guy, I was and still am in a committed relationship. I knew where I stood on the subject, so I was clear with my answer. While I was flattered that this guy found me attractive, I would not do to his wife, my partner, or any other person, what I did not want done to me. And while this man was free to find someone else who might be willing to cheat with him, I knew it would not be me.

There may be a time where you are tempted. You may even learn that it is possible to have sex with another and still love your partner. However, you must be aware that the repercussions and consequences can be far reaching. Such a decision involves your emotions, health, and relationships with those you love.

At such a time, it can feel difficult to set aside your emotions and think of the long term effects. But in all honesty, you do have a choice. And while it can be flattering that someone else finds you attractive, it would do well to look ahead. This doesn’t just mean think about the effects on your relationship. It means thinking about the effects your choices could have on everybody involved. Such as your current partner and your children (if you have any), and those of the person you are considering having the affair with as well as yourself. Having a sexual relationship outside of the partnership because you are angry or not feeling good about yourself will not resolve any issues you have.

Cheating and affairs only add more hardship to an already strained relationship. When a partner finds out about an affair, it can be a very long and difficult road for both parties towards healing and building trust again. Sometimes, it can literally take years for relationships to really heal. But many times, relationships simply don’t make it.

If you are in a monogamous relationship, but no longer wish to be, then get out of your relationship before you start the next one. But before you do, give some thought to what you really want. Understand that under the Law of Attraction, you attracted your partner to you. The problems a couple faces do not go away just because someone changes partners. In time, you may find that your next relationship has the same issues as the last. This is because without a change in us, we will continue to attract the same type of person. Furthermore, I would suggest you ask yourself that if your partner were facing the same decision, would you want your partner to cheat on you. It is better to get some help to find out what’s not working in your current relationship than to add another problem to it.

I know that in looking back, I cannot help but feel proud of the choice I made and the stand I took. I feel proud not only to have turned down the offer, but to know I made a choice that would not bring someone else pain. I did something for his wife that felt honorable, whether she knew it or not. Furthermore, because I chose not to cheat, I do not have to live with any secrets, i.e. always being afraid my partner could find out. And lastly, it feels so good to be in a relationship where trust is part of the foundation.

As I said, we each have our own choices to make. We each have to look within and find what is right for us, but being honest with both yourself and your current partner before you make your choice to cheat or not is key to making the right decision for everyone involved.

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Dating Relationships: Defining Your Ideal Partner

June 23, 2010 | Author: Ruth Burton

Photograph taken by Ruth Burton

If you’ve started dating, you probably have an idea what kind of partner you want. This is especially true if you ever broke up or divorced someone. Through previous experiences, your exes have helped you realize some of the things you do and do not want in a partner. However, if you have been dating only to find out your ideal partner hasn’t shown up, having a better understanding of the dating process through the Law of Attraction can help.

As you begin dating, you have the kind of partner you want in your mind. However, you might find that you don’t necessarily see eye to eye and/or even have the same things in common with your dates. Some may even have issues you don’t want any part of.

After a while, you may begin to wonder if there is anyone out there that doesn’t have some kind of an issue or another. In other words, you feel like there always seems to be something wrong with them.

But understand this; all of the people showing up in your life are being drawn to you by you. You are one attracting them. With the Law of Attraction, nobody shows up who isn’t somewhere within the realm of your current vibration. In order to draw people with the qualities you desire, you must focus on what you want. So, instead of looking at what’s wrong with them, use these experiences as opportunities to keep redefining your ideal partner.

Think of it like this. When you’re in the market for a new car, you decide which car you want. Then, at the dealership, the salesperson begins throwing numerous options and packages at you for your consideration. This causes you to have to think about and decide in greater detail what you really want. So many choices, but because you have your own preferences, you get to decide.

Well, the same is true with dating. You imagine meeting and falling in love with a particular type of person. But, once you begin dating, you quickly realize that each person has their own personality, likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, beliefs, etc. and you get to decide what you do and do not want. Rather than becoming frustrated over people who lack the qualities you had hoped for, pay attention to your preferences. Understand that each date provides you experience and, therefore, opportunity to more clearly define what you want and ultimately draw your ideal relationship to you. However, be careful not to narrow your desires down too much. Doing so could cause you to feel that the person you desire isn’t out there.

As you become clearer about what you want, simply stay focused on drawing this ideal person to you. Have fun with it. Look around you and notice the qualities you like in different people. Be grateful for the people who you date because by learning what you want, it will bring you closer to your ideal mate. Through the Law of Attraction, as you focus on what you want, you will start attracting people with some or most of these characteristics. As you do, be sure to take the time to acknowledge your progress throughout the process. This keeps your energy moving in a positive direction.

Each new experience you have provides you with the opportunity to fine tune what you really want. The clearer you define what you want, the closer you are to attracting your ideal partner. Stay open, stay optimistic, and be easy about the process. Remember, love is supposed to be fun!

Posted in Law of Attraction, Relationships | 2 Comments

Stop Dating Losers and Start Attracting Love

June 11, 2010 | Author: Ruth Burton

Photograph taken by Ruth Burton

Most of us grow up wanting a relationship with someone who truly loves and respects us. We imagine finding that special someone and being very happy. However, because of a lack of self esteem and the fear of being alone, we find ourselves juggling our desire for love on one hand with an uncommitted partner on the other.

You’re probably familiar with the routine. You want to break off a relationship with someone who doesn’t treat you well, but find yourself taking them back. Each time you convince yourself that it’s all going to be okay as you hear your partner’s promises and you’re sleeping in their arms. You tell yourself you should have been stronger; you should have held off a little bit longer. But there you are back in the game — the game of hope…or is it fear? Regardless of the answer, the fact remains the relationship is unhealthy. So, what can you do when you want to let go of a relationship that isn’t working and attract someone who is right for you?

Visualize and stay focused on the kind of relationship you want. To facilitate change, it is important that you understand that you are the one attracting this person into your life. He or she could not be with you if the both of you were not vibrating at or near the same level of energy. This is not a bad thing. It is merely an indication of what you are currently focused on and how you are using your ability to create. That being said, you can begin changing your focus and start visualizing the kind of relationship you really want. Spend at least 10-15 minutes each day imagining your ideal relationship. It may sound simplistic, but it is very powerful.

Let go of your ‘need’ for anyone. Needing someone equals fear — fear that you’re not good enough or that you can’t have what you want. This, by default, equals a focus towards lack. Then, with the Law of Attraction, as you focus on lack, you draw more lack. It is the way the Law works. However, let go of your need, focus on what’s coming, and you will find that not only will you attract a wonderful partner, but your confidence will greatly improve. In letting go of need, you discover the freedom and power in being with someone because you want to versus because you believe you need to. For an even greater understanding of what’s behind your fears, working with someone else can help facilitate this process.

Stop beating up on yourself. Beating up on yourself only reinforces your feelings of not being good enough or deserving. You are living life. There is no need to judge it. Judging yourself or being hard on yourself is living in the past, even if it was just yesterday or an hour ago. Let go of the past and instead, turn your thoughts towards what you want. Be gentle with yourself, just the way you would want a loving partner to be with you.

Get involved with activities that feel good to you. Take a fun class, start a new hobby, get reacquainted with or make new friends, read and/or watch good feeling movies, or join a fun group. Whatever you do, make it something you enjoy. This is a great way to channel your time, thoughts, and energy, and it allows the Law of Attraction to work for you. People in healthy relationships should have activities and friends both together and apart from one another.

Continue to work on yourself. Having a wonderful relationship is an ongoing process of learning about yourself. The more you learn to love and respect yourself, the better your relationships will be because relationships always mirror the way you feel about yourself. Periodically, try looking for a new book or CD. There are numerous books and CD’s on self-improvement that can really teach and inspire you. Begin to make it a habit to work towards inner growth and happiness.

Holding on to one specific person for fear of being alone is like telling the Universe that of the millions of the people in this world, you don’t believe there is anyone out there who can treat you better than your current partner. This just isn’t so. With the Law of Attraction, as you do this work, you’ll begin to understand that you can have a wonderful partner. If your current partner is meant to be with you, your relationship will change towards the better. If not, then the right partner will show up. Either way, you must trust and be willing to let go of what isn’t working and start making room for the love you really desire.

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Understanding and Dealing with Jealousy

June 3, 2010 | Author: Ruth Burton

Photograph taken by Ruth Burton

During my teen years, I distinctly remember listening, often I might add, to a song about jealousy. The lyrics basically said that the reason he (the singer) got jealous was because he loved her (the person he was singing to). At the time I also thought that having someone who was jealous about me seemed kind of fun. But I have since come to learn that love and jealousy have nothing to do with each other.

Love is just that — it is love. It is a freedom that we give to ourselves and our partners, not a restriction. It stems from knowing and being true to who we are. Some people have an easier time with this than others, but freedom is something we all desire.

Jealousy, on the other hand stems from fear. It’s often an indication that the jealous person is afraid they are not good enough. Many times, even when there isn’t any competition, meaning that nobody has caught the eye of the one they love, the jealous partner is still afraid the potential is there. The inclination is then to try to keep the partner away from anyone that could pose a potential threat to the jealous partner. This, however, only increases the likelihood of having problems in the relationship and breaking up down the road.

Jealousy does not just show up in intimate relationships. It shows up at work with co-workers, as well. Many times, people are afraid to teach others what they know for fear they will lose their job to that person. This, too, not only stems from a fear that the jealous person is not good enough, but they are afraid of lack, as well. They fear that not only could they lose their job, but they are not good enough to get another one to replace it.

So, how can you handle jealousy? Here are some tips to get you started.

Stop comparing yourself to others. Most of our fears stem from our imagination and not reality. The more we focus on what scares us, the more frightened we become.

Understand what has happened to you in the past is over. It is not an indication of what will happen to you in the future. If you’ve been abandoned or wronged before, get help in letting it go.

Begin to look at yourself and work on recognizing your own value more. Think about and even list the qualities you have. We are each individuals with our own gifts to share. Focus your attention on those instead of your fears.

Be open and willing to learn about your fears and strengths. Be willing to do what it takes to raise your self esteem. Take classes, join social groups, do things for yourself that are positive and feel good to you. One word of caution though — do not do something for short term gratification that will cost you later. For example, do not go shopping and spend money you don’t have. While this might feel good right now, it might only cause you more stress later as you struggle to pay your bills.

Trust in the Universe, God, or your Source for all your needs. Know that there is always enough to go around.

Learn how the Law of Attraction works. When you understand this, you will understand that you have the power and ability to create your life the way you want it. You will understand there is no need to compete.

Understand that your self-esteem is an inside job. It is not about restricting another. In fact, just the opposite is true. The more you trust yourself and your partner, the more your partner wants to stay with you. Who wouldn’t want to be with someone who is loving, trusting and supportive?

For all of you who want a better relationship, understanding and dealing with jealously can really help to change the dynamics between you and your partner. It can bring you closer together and strengthen your love for each other. It can also increase your self-esteem and the love you have for yourself. And while it takes some work, it is well worth the effort you put into it for developing the kind of loving relationship you desire.

Posted in Law of Attraction, Relationships | 7 Comments

Inspired Actions and Manifestation

May 3, 2010 | Author: Ruth Burton

Photograph taken by Ruth Burton

It probably wouldn’t take too much effort on your part to think about something you’ve wanted and all of the different ways you’ve tried to obtain it only to have it somehow elude you. Most of us are taught that hard work is the way to get ahead in life. And, while I agree that action is required on our part, the decisions on which we base our actions do not always have to be so difficult. We can make life more difficult than it has to be by not paying attention to our inner guide. This often leads to unnecessary frustration and discouragement causing us to prematurely give up on our dreams.

The Law of Attraction works by focusing our thoughts and emotions on what we want in our lives. When there is no resistance to a desire, it is easily manifested. However, when a desire doesn’t manifest easily, it is generally because we already have a set of beliefs about how difficult it is to attain. When this is the case, it takes a little more time to change our way of thinking. It takes focus and action. But even while taking action, we must work on paying attention to what we feel inspired to do. Inspired actions are much more effective than actions through effort.

Consciously working with the Law of Attraction is not only about focusing on what you want, it is letting the Universe, God, Source or your Higher Power, handle the “how” of its manifestation. It is about becoming aware of those actions you are inspired to take. As you remember that the Universe knows all the avenues for fulfilling your desire, it becomes easier to let go of control and allow the Universe to guide you towards the details that need to be handled.

When you allow your actions to be inspired, you may still feel fear, but every time you trust and take another step forward, even when you can’t see “how” your desire could manifest, your path becomes easier. All inspired action is alignment. It is communication from your Higher Self guiding you towards the fulfillment of your desires.

If there is some desire that was inspired within you, that desire already has the ability to become manifest. This Universe is always working for your highest and greatest good, even in the midst of seeming chaos. Therefore, as you begin to focus your thoughts on your desire, make the conscious choice to let go of the struggle and worry. And, then know that as you take inspired action, you will be moved towards your next step and the next step after that until what you desire is manifest. It is actually quite a beautiful thing.

Posted in Action, Law of Attraction | 1 Comment

Layoffs, Break-ups, and Divorce – The Law of Attraction and Unexpected Events

April 6, 2010 | Author: Ruth Burton

Photograph taken by Ruth Burton

Layoffs are happening all over the country. Break-ups and divorce occur all the time. These types of life changes can hit us unexpectedly. They often throw us for a loop. They cause us to have to reexamine our lives and what’s important to us. They force us to make choices, often very tough choices. Many of us find ourselves looking up to the heavens and the skies and asking, “Why is this happening? And why did it have to happen to me?”

It can seem overwhelming, and yet, on a higher level, I believe there is perfect order in the Universe. Under the power of Law of Attraction, there is no one who has been laid off, broken up with, or divorced that didn’t attract it. It can be no other way. However, regardless of appearances, the Law is always working for our highest and greatest good.

Sometimes, when we have held a desire over time but have not allowed ourselves to receive what we have asked for, the Law of Attraction steps in and pushes us towards change. This change often appears as an “unexpected” event like a layoff, the breakup of a relationship, or a divorce. But if looked at more closely, we can often recall the thoughts and feelings that played a part in drawing these events to us. We can often recall the thoughts of dissatisfaction we held and/or a desire for change or growth. You know the thoughts, thoughts with feelings like — I hate this job, I don’t want to work here anymore, I’m not happy in this relationship, he or she always____ and I’m tired of it, I want out, etc. These unattended thoughts that we continued to feed accumulated over time until they became desires powerful enough to cause change…powerful enough to attract the circumstances that lead up to these types of unexpected events.

When creating our lives, it is not the words or even the thoughts we think that hold the force of our creative power. It is the feelings behind our thoughts that draw things to us. Over time, the Universe responds to us by giving us what we have predominantly held through our emotions.

So, if you’re at a crossroads and wondering what to do now, allow this to become an opportunity for you to listen to your Higher Self. Listen to what you truly desire. Do not look at blaming another. Blame keeps your energy stuck. Send love and light to those who were involved in bringing about your current situation and then, let go. Understand that they were just playing their part to move you onto greater good. So, let go and begin to focus on your new desires.

If you can get yourself to look at your situation in this light, you will see opportunity. As you discover your true desires, use “now” as an opportunity to seek them out. This can be the beginning of something new and exciting. And should you doubt, remember that if you have a desire, the Universe knows the way to help you fulfill it. So, dig deep and find that desire you’ve kept on the back burner of your heart. Bring it out, move towards it and begin to live your life the way you have wanted to for a long time. It’s time to live your truth.

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