Photograph by Ruth Burton
So you made a mistake. You know which one I’m talking about — the one you still feel “guilty” over after all this time. Even more, it’s the one your partner won’t let you forget. My question to you is: How well is that working in your relationship? If it’s not, then keep reading.
Regardless of the mistakes you’ve made in the past, there comes a time when you need to let them go and move on because guilt feelings in the long term do not serve you. In fact, they can often work against you.
Continuing to carry guilt over a mistake you made will never change the past. The past is over and it is only your guilt that keeps it alive. When you hold onto guilt, you allow the mistake you made to be kept alive by continuing to apologize or defend yourself to others… about something that is over. You allow your partner to manipulate you and use your guilt against you, often to get their way. Your partner may not even be aware they are doing this. When you feel guilty, it merely keeps you in a place of berating yourself up and giving away your power.
Now you may say that it is your partner that keeps it alive because he or she is the one that continually brings it up, but understand this — your partner is merely reflecting what is going on within you. Through the Law of Attraction, you are drawing your partner’s behavior to you. Think about it. We attract by the thoughts and feelings we predominantly focus on. Every time we feel guilty, we are in essence criticizing ourselves and, therefore, attracting more criticism from our partner.
Yes, it’s true that sometimes we do things that can hurt other people, and yes, it can take time for them to heal. However, when possible, we need to clean up our mess and then make a conscious choice to let go of the past and do things differently in the future. We need to become more conscientious of the decisions we make.
No matter how we are dealing with it, the mistake is over. It is no longer here. If you have sincerely done what you can to set things right, then it’s time to let it rest. You should not have to “pay” for your mistakes forever. If your partner continues to bring them up, then be patient with your partner’s feelings; however, respectfully decline to talk about it anymore. In time, if your relationship is going to make it, there has to be a time when your partner will need to trust you again. It is through your actions over time, not your words, that will show your partner you have changed. However, you must be clear on the subject. If you still carry guilt, neither your words nor actions will matter. You must release your guilt and trust yourself if you expect your partner to trust you. Anything else will only continue to negatively affect the relationship.
Releasing guilt applies to any mistakes, large or small, that lead to guilty feelings. Oftentimes, if we do not deal with the smaller things we feel guilty over, they only lead to bigger mistakes. So, if you’ve been carrying around that “guilt”, perhaps it’s finally time to let it go, not only for your sake, but for the sake of your relationship, as well.
