Picture taken by Ruth Burton
Many years ago, I was made an offer to sleep with a married man. While he was a nice guy, I was and still am in a committed relationship. I knew where I stood on the subject, so I was clear with my answer. While I was flattered that this guy found me attractive, I would not do to his wife, my partner, or any other person, what I did not want done to me. And while this man was free to find someone else who might be willing to cheat with him, I knew it would not be me.
There may be a time where you are tempted. You may even learn that it is possible to have sex with another and still love your partner. However, you must be aware that the repercussions and consequences can be far reaching. Such a decision involves your emotions, health, and relationships with those you love.
At such a time, it can feel difficult to set aside your emotions and think of the long term effects. But in all honesty, you do have a choice. And while it can be flattering that someone else finds you attractive, it would do well to look ahead. This doesn’t just mean think about the effects on your relationship. It means thinking about the effects your choices could have on everybody involved. Such as your current partner and your children (if you have any), and those of the person you are considering having the affair with as well as yourself. Having a sexual relationship outside of the partnership because you are angry or not feeling good about yourself will not resolve any issues you have.
Cheating and affairs only add more hardship to an already strained relationship. When a partner finds out about an affair, it can be a very long and difficult road for both parties towards healing and building trust again. Sometimes, it can literally take years for relationships to really heal. But many times, relationships simply don’t make it.
If you are in a monogamous relationship, but no longer wish to be, then get out of your relationship before you start the next one. But before you do, give some thought to what you really want. Understand that under the Law of Attraction, you attracted your partner to you. The problems a couple faces do not go away just because someone changes partners. In time, you may find that your next relationship has the same issues as the last. This is because without a change in us, we will continue to attract the same type of person. Furthermore, I would suggest you ask yourself that if your partner were facing the same decision, would you want your partner to cheat on you. It is better to get some help to find out what’s not working in your current relationship than to add another problem to it.
I know that in looking back, I cannot help but feel proud of the choice I made and the stand I took. I feel proud not only to have turned down the offer, but to know I made a choice that would not bring someone else pain. I did something for his wife that felt honorable, whether she knew it or not. Furthermore, because I chose not to cheat, I do not have to live with any secrets, i.e. always being afraid my partner could find out. And lastly, it feels so good to be in a relationship where trust is part of the foundation.
As I said, we each have our own choices to make. We each have to look within and find what is right for us, but being honest with both yourself and your current partner before you make your choice to cheat or not is key to making the right decision for everyone involved.
