Photograph taken by Ruth Burton

During my teen years, I distinctly remember listening, often I might add, to a song about jealousy. The lyrics basically said that the reason he (the singer) got jealous was because he loved her (the person he was singing to). At the time I also thought that having someone who was jealous about me seemed kind of fun. But I have since come to learn that love and jealousy have nothing to do with each other.

Love is just that — it is love. It is a freedom that we give to ourselves and our partners, not a restriction. It stems from knowing and being true to who we are. Some people have an easier time with this than others, but freedom is something we all desire.

Jealousy, on the other hand stems from fear. It’s often an indication that the jealous person is afraid they are not good enough. Many times, even when there isn’t any competition, meaning that nobody has caught the eye of the one they love, the jealous partner is still afraid the potential is there. The inclination is then to try to keep the partner away from anyone that could pose a potential threat to the jealous partner. This, however, only increases the likelihood of having problems in the relationship and breaking up down the road.

Jealousy does not just show up in intimate relationships. It shows up at work with co-workers, as well. Many times, people are afraid to teach others what they know for fear they will lose their job to that person. This, too, not only stems from a fear that the jealous person is not good enough, but they are afraid of lack, as well. They fear that not only could they lose their job, but they are not good enough to get another one to replace it.

So, how can you handle jealousy? Here are some tips to get you started.

Stop comparing yourself to others. Most of our fears stem from our imagination and not reality. The more we focus on what scares us, the more frightened we become.

Understand what has happened to you in the past is over. It is not an indication of what will happen to you in the future. If you’ve been abandoned or wronged before, get help in letting it go.

Begin to look at yourself and work on recognizing your own value more. Think about and even list the qualities you have. We are each individuals with our own gifts to share. Focus your attention on those instead of your fears.

Be open and willing to learn about your fears and strengths. Be willing to do what it takes to raise your self esteem. Take classes, join social groups, do things for yourself that are positive and feel good to you. One word of caution though — do not do something for short term gratification that will cost you later. For example, do not go shopping and spend money you don’t have. While this might feel good right now, it might only cause you more stress later as you struggle to pay your bills.

Trust in the Universe, God, or your Source for all your needs. Know that there is always enough to go around.

Learn how the Law of Attraction works. When you understand this, you will understand that you have the power and ability to create your life the way you want it. You will understand there is no need to compete.

Understand that your self-esteem is an inside job. It is not about restricting another. In fact, just the opposite is true. The more you trust yourself and your partner, the more your partner wants to stay with you. Who wouldn’t want to be with someone who is loving, trusting and supportive?

For all of you who want a better relationship, understanding and dealing with jealously can really help to change the dynamics between you and your partner. It can bring you closer together and strengthen your love for each other. It can also increase your self-esteem and the love you have for yourself. And while it takes some work, it is well worth the effort you put into it for developing the kind of loving relationship you desire.